This is another one from the archives. The meta tag says it’s circa 2006. It’s the one optimistic document in a folder full of pessimism. I figure it deserves its day in the sun.

This Is What We Do

We’ll set the industrial strength fan in the hallway
Prop all the doors on the way to the exit
Make a funnel to suck out
All the thought clouds in the air
All the questionable motives
All the sneaking suspicions
All the secret agendas
All the breathing hazards
We’ll fumigate your mind
Bring you up to code
Fix the structural integrity
So you can start letting people back in

This is what we do

Open your mouth and say “Ahhh”
Open your window and scream it
You won’t be able to spark your pilot light
Until you vent all that anger out
We’ll purge the fear that has possessed your home
The fear that plucks the mirrors off the wall
That yanks the knob off the front door
The fear that drowns you in bed sheets
We’ll ring ceremonial chimes
Sprinkle mixed powders
Burn sage from the banisters
Until you’re purified of it

This is what we do

We’ll exterminate the wild notions that slip through the cracks
The “what ifs”, the ” what might have beens”
The “shoulda, coulda, wouldas”
Their exoskeletons will hit the floor with their feet in the air
We’ll redirect your energy
Face your mattress to the nearest body of knowledge
Clear your path by clearing your furniture
We’ll Feng Shui your mind
Add stronger support beams to hold you up
Reinforce your foundations
With the strongest masonite, concrete, and titanium
Custom designed to suit your needs

We evict the bad stuff
Then we renovate
Refurbish, and remodel
This is what we do
It’s a service we’ve provided
Since there were minds to inhabit
And when we do good work
You’d never even know we were there