#YouKnowYoureAWriterWhen Part 3

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This is the third collection of my best Tweets under the hashtag #YouKnowYoureAWriterWhen. Click here to catch up on the first part. These were inspired by @KMWeiland. Her blog is an excellent resource for writers looking to become authors.

These come at the special request of Jessica West (@Wes1Jess on Twitter). Be sure to thank her if you get some amusement out of these.

Backups

  • you see another zit and think, “Good thing, I’m not trying to be rock star.”
  • you feel guilty because you spent most of your lunch break eating your lunch.
  • you see life in screenplay format in your head
  • you’ve changed chapter titles because you don’t like how they look beside the others in the table of contents.
  • your morning routine starts with a staring contest with your cat

Simpsons

  • you discover half finished chores around the house. Garbage bags tied still in the container. Carpets half vacuumed
  • the sink spills over, because you left it running while you went to go jot something down.
  • you set your alarm early to write. Then you continued to jot things down throughout your morning routine.
  • you wake up from a nightmare, run to your keyboard & start describing like a witness talking to a sketch artist
  • you take preemptive measures to prepare yourself for negative feedback, for each stage of your potential career

Brick Wall

  • you set out to humanize a cliched trope for the challenge of it.
  • you misread a line of dialogue while revising and decide that the misread version is superior to the original
  • you’ve fantasized about rewriting the endings for popular books & leaving at the library.
  • you imagine how any references to current-gen tech is going to feel to people twenty years from now.
  • the power goes out and you have to track down a dictionary.

Dialogue

  • your characters work in artistic mediums that you’ve had to give up to pursue your writing
  • you can let something embarrassing happen to your character without fear of someone thinking it happened to you
  • you’re way past the point of over sharing your past. So much so that you’ve had to borrow events from your future
  • you break your short story into chapters and start to realize what you’re in for.
  • you get your past and your stories confused.

No Pants

  • you have an excuse to get out of awkward social situations, “I have a novel I really ought to be getting back to.”
  • you can sneak in a paragraph during a bathroom break.
  • a friend says, “I wonder what would happen if…” & you’re like, “You’re just now imagining that?”
  • you realize someone might see themselves in your villain & you think, “Fine, let them incriminate themselves”
  • you anticipate blowback from something you’ve written, when even you’re conflicted, but know it should be read

Vantage Point

  • a dragon crashes through the roof & you roll up your sleeves & say, “Stand back everyone. I got this. I’m a writer”
  • you find yourself pacing in public, leaving your laptop unattended for long stretches of time.
  • you do damage control every time you hear about a story that’s eerily similar to your own.
  • you can predict the first crimes to be commit with an emerging technology
  • you make your story about nightmares so you don’t feel bad for using a dream sequence to further the plot

Skeletons

  • you wince at the phrase “there are 2 sides to every story” because the main POV should be clear at the beginning
  • you don’t understand how characters who are writers on TV can be written so poorly.
  • you workshop tattoo ideas in your writing.
  • covering a hot button issue you’re not satisfied using real world examples, you have to create something far worse
  • you get into arguments with your word processor’s grammar correction suggestions.

Nightmares

  • you get stuck trying to come up with a better punchline for the “When life gives you lemons” setup
  • this is the second time you’ve looked up the word “Hay” in wikipedia in less than a week
  • you can’t make it through a movie without pausing it for half an hour to write.
  • someone looks at your handwriting and says, “Aren’t you supposed to be a writer?”
  • you realize there’s a storytelling style that you’ve never tried and it makes you feel incomplete.

Zit

  • you can type in the dark, with no light on the keyboard.
  • you overspend your favorite word and have to look for an alternative when you really need it.
  • hyperboles come easy, but the simplest description eludes you.
  • You look at last night’s words and think, “No idea where this was going, but I think I know where I’m going to take it.”
  • you end every day on a cliffhanger.

Tone

  • you find yourself defending plot holes in movies with beautifully plausible explanations that weren’t there
  • you forget that you’ve only shaved half of your face when you rush back to finish the chapter.
  • you have a different log line to play to the personality of whoever you happen to be pitching to
  • you go pale working on something for people to do as they work on their tans.
  • You’re not daydreaming. You’re subconsciously plotting

Setting Plot

  • you write something so dark that it makes you think, “I hope my mother doesn’t read this until it’s a critical hit”
  • you go from being afraid of future employers discovering your writing online to hoping that they do
  • you relish in discovering the profanity of other nationalities so that you can put it in your character’s mouths.
  • you can watch a couple from a parking lot away and fill in what they’re arguing about
  • you can tell a story without characters, just by describing a setting filled with evidence

Mind Blown

  • you wish you could retroactively remove a metaphor from an older story so you could use it in a newer one
  • you’re painfully aware of how often your protagonist uses the word “I” & you try to hide it by saying, “me my & we”
  • you find yourself asking, “Did I forget to eat dinner tonight?”
  • you write through your writing break.
  • You wish every segment of every object came marked with a description

Break

  • you get pulled over & ask the cop to answer some questions for a detective story you’re working on
  • you find and replace a word you’ve been misusing in all of your documents
  • you pitch real life anecdotes before you tell them
  • you find yourself changing tenses in the middle of conversation and insist you start over again

One thought on “#YouKnowYoureAWriterWhen Part 3”

  1. My God! It’s like you’ve been spying on me all my life, Sir! Clever, hilarious and filled with truth … and you even threw in a #nopantsclub reference! I really enjoyed this, thanks for posting 🙂

    Like

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