Tag Archives: comedy

Shorts

Keane & Drew Argue About Time Travel

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FADE IN:

INSERT TITLE: The following is based on actual events. All
dialogue is quoted verbatim. All action is presented exactly
as it happened.

EXT. COFFEE HOUSE – NIGHT

The seats overflow with PATRONS, young and hip, their faces
lit by smartphones and tablets.

There’s heavy foot traffic. A rainbow of skinny jeans and
bandanas. Every face is a pin cushion full of piercings.
Every arm is a blur of sleeve tattoos. One side of the
Patrons’ heads are shaved. The other sides are bleached or
dyed jet-black.

DRIVERS lay on their HORNS. The gridlock stretches across
the windows. A SUBWOOFER blares. The bass sends ripples
through the coffee cups.

A fist SLAMS down on the metal. A tray lifts up, ashes burst
into the air. They land on an iPad on the other end of the
table. It’s owner lifts it up to his face.

DREW, unshaven, unkempt, looks like he’s been 29 for a long
time, blows the ashes from his precious tech. He reaches
into his pocket, produces a keychain light, and checks the
ports for signs of damage.

A napkin falls over the side of the table and glides to the
ground. It’s covered in dotted lines and X’s. Continue reading Keane & Drew Argue About Time Travel →

Audio Shorts, Blog, Multimedia, Music

Carnival of Goals (Audio Blog)

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Photo by Keane Amdahl, follow him on Twitter @FoodStoned
Photo by Keane Amdahl, follow him on Twitter @FoodStoned

This is a story about my first attempt to wow people with my work. I was a kindergartner hosting a Halloween carnival in the middle of July. I poured my heart and soul into the project and got negative returns.

There’s a lesson to be learned in failure: if at first you don’t succeed, you’re doing it wrong. If humiliation teaches us anything it’s how to wear humiliation better. Every artist has to learn to take feed back. Every artist has to develop a callus around their heart, a skin so thick they could stop bullets with it.

This is a piece for those people brave enough to put themselves out there. The ones who go out among the trolls seeking validation. The ones whose bright eyes never dim. The ones who no matter how many times you knock them down, they scramble back up to their feet, and brush their shoulders off.

This is for the people who look to the Internet and say, “I have something valid to contribute and I’m going to keep trying until it finally resonates with someone.”

If this makes us fools. Let’s be fools together.


(Download the instrumental version here)

For those of you who prefer the straight vocal recording, without the music, check out the link below.

Audio Shorts, Blog, Multimedia, Music, Shorts

Fleeing the Beam (Audio Short)

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Writers are always on call, in case inspiration strikes. It doesn’t matter if it’s an inopportune time. We toss on our thinking caps and we get the job done. It might strike while we’re in the shower, while we’re behind the wheel, or while we’re operating heavy machinery.

Writers have to spring into action, to jot their ideas down before they can go wild. It’s for the public good that we do this. It’s for your protection.

It doesn’t matter if we’re in bed. It doesn’t matter if we’re at a dinner party. It doesn’t matter if we’re on the clock. When inspiration makes its presence known, we writers have to do something about it.

This is a story about when inspiration struck while I was at work, and how I struck back.

The music was inspired by Ennio Morricone’s theme for The Thing. A bass synth pulses through the piece like a heartbeat. The melody creeps by just underneath the rhythm. The story has a mock-horror tone. What better way to convey that than with an homage to the scores of John Carpenter movies?

I’m very happy with how this one turned out.

Blog, Shorts

Carnival of Goals

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IMG_2545When I was a kid I threw a Halloween carnival in my parent’s basement. I knew I had the market cornered, because it was the middle of July.

I decided to keep mom and dad in the dark about the project. Investors have a way of meddling with an artist’s vision. I wanted to retain creative control. I was an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs don’t ask for their parents’ permission. Once they saw what a hit it could be, no one would make me apologize for success.

Continue reading Carnival of Goals →

Audio Shorts, Blog, Multimedia, Music, Shorts

Breaking Up With Your Story (Audio Short)

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Writing a novel is like being in a relationship with a high maintenance person. Novels want all of your free time. They want the leading role in you day planner. They want you to take them everywhere. It doesn’t matter if you’re out with friends that you never get to see, your novel has something to say and you’re going to listen. Sneak your phone out and type a few paragraphs.

Your Novel looks at your short stories and says, “Who’s that then? They seem pretty cute? Is there something going on between the two of you that I should know about?”

Looking back on your relationship, your novel is never what you thought it was. The ruby colored glasses come off and you see all the edits you’re going to have to make, all the couple’s retreats and all the counseling. You will constantly doubt if it’s all worth it.

Then publishing your novel is like planing a wedding. First you have to find a place. Then they have to set a date. Then you have to send out the invites. It is work.

Like any relationship, writing a novel takes commitment.

This audio short is about what happens when you think you don’t have what it takes to see that commitment through. It’s my third piece to feature music. The first two were poems this is a fully realized short story. Enjoy!

Shorts

The Night the Moon Came Down to Earth

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Holding the MoonThe forest is alive with nodding treetops. They’ve come to a consensus. Each of them agree to throw their branches up into the air, to cast their pinecones into the night. Each of them creak as they bow to one another. Their trunks bend, their leafs curtsy. They dance. We have a good view from our place on the prairie. We watch the current cascade through them. It looks like an evergreen chorus line, especially when the trees kick up their skirts, and something comes rushing out. Continue reading The Night the Moon Came Down to Earth →

Audio Shorts, Multimedia, Poems

Open House (Audio Short)

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There are two Internets. One where snark is the common language, where entitlement is the common currency, where shock value is the principle form of recreation, where the elevation of one’s self comes at the expense of another, where anonymity grants its people the right to turn off the lights and throw punches at the dark.

Then there’s the other Internet. The one I didn’t know about until recently. The one where support is the common language, where sharing is the common currency, where participating is the principle form of recreation, where free advice is on tap, where character is king, and where criticism takes a backseat to feedback.

A place far from the racist-homophobic-misogynistic slurs of twelve-year-olds wearing XBOX headsets (yeah, I said it).

This is an audio short dedicated to that second Internet. It’s about putting your guard down and letting other people in. It ends on a bittersweet note, but that’s okay.

Audio Shorts, Multimedia, Shorts

Find the Time (Audio Short)

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What if you could freeze time, hit pause, hit mute, tell the whole to just wait a minute? What would you get accomplished without the looming punch clock, without the mouths to feed, without the noise pollution? What would you do if the earth rotated on your time?

This is a short story about someone with just such an ability. Too bad for the rest of the world, frozen in time, that this person happens to be a writer.

Audio Shorts, Multimedia, Shorts

The Distractions (Spoken Word)

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What if you personified all of your distractions and they literally aimed to keep you from getting anything done? I wrote a story about it. Now I’ve read it aloud.

Shorts

Fleeing the Beam

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Spooky LightIt was five in the morning and I was hugging the museum wall. The lights were low and so was I. There was a security camera right above me. I was stuck in its blind spot, trapped inside an invisible cage that was but a few paces all around. This didn’t matter much. The air was still and so was I.

A woman’s face peered out from the dark. Her pallid skin was cracked and peeling. Her expression was vacant. The lights of her eyes had gone dim. It was Rembrandt’s famous painting the Lucretia. She stood over me in her blood stained gown, with one hand clinging to the curtain that kept her upright and the other to her dagger. Continue reading Fleeing the Beam →